mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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