New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
