I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
We're too hungover to prance.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
