Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
My feet surprised me
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
