I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
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