I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
My vagina just recognized that song.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Randomize
