Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
