The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
