Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
