i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Randomize
