You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
