During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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