Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
