My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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