First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
