Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
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