I could have mohawked her pubes.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
