I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
