I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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