it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
