he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
