:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
