Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
