she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
