How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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