Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
