it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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