Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
