Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Girls should come with a carfax report
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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