I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
