Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
