that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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