i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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