She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
She told me I should be a condom model.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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