i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
