I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
