i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
