Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Randomize
