dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I could make wine with my vomit
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
