I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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