covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
