Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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