i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
