hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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