How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
