pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
