last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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