Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
He? As in you personified your dick?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
