"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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