So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
