i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
